A Summary of My Cognitive Toolkit

* The door to happiness opens outward; a quote by Soren Kierkegaard, but explored more deeply in the psychology and philosophy of Viktor Frankl. Frankl wrote: "for the true man, however, is not concerned about some condition in his soul but about objects in the world; he is primarily ordered and directed to them, and it is only the neurotic man who is no longer, as is the normal man, objectively oriented; rather he, the neurotic, is primarily interested in His own subjective condition."

* Depreciate the obsession. I got this idea from the book  "Overcoming obsessive thoughts" by
PhD's Christine Purdon and David Clark.

* Feeling yourself. This has been a topic of my recent posts. The psychologist Alan Fogel used the term "embodied self awareness" to differentiate it from the more "cerebral conceptual self awareness". I use it as a basic way to understand my problem, as the diagram below demonstrates. My aberrant thinking pathway relies on an overly conceptually self aware mind. When I'm feeling good, I find myself "propelled" by something other than a preconceptualization. I don't anticipate myself prior to the act. Instead, emotion - free and liberated - enters in and out of me without my noticing its sudden appearance. 

* Turn your mind to positive thoughts. This is the crux of UCLA professor of psychiatry Jeffrey Schwartz philosophy for dealing with obsessive thinking and behavior. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are the 4 basic techniques I can rely on in coping with my problem. In addition to this, I can add some activities that promote embodied self awareness. They include:

* Working Out
* Basketball
* Yoga
* A healthy diet
* Healthy and consistent sleeping patterns

Then of course there is the necessary cognitive-behavioral techniques. I can't return to normal without actually DOING something different from what I currently do. Just thinking about this causes anxiety in me. Where will I begin? What if I feel tense and end up experiencing horrible public shame? Negotiating with these feelings is not easy, but I realize I have to deal with them and learn to control them. 

* Answering the phone when it rings. It amazes me how desensitized I have become to the sound of a ringing phone. Sometimes I literally do not hear it - it isn't just an avoidant response - that of course is the basis of my desensitization; but since I've learned not to respond to the sound of a ringing phone, sometimes my conscious mind literally treats it as an unimportant stimulus. 

Before answering the phone, if I'm not feeling particularly confident, and thus feeling apprehensive, I need to invoke one of the 4 cognitive tools. 

* Speaking outside the house. Being outside is being outside my comfort zone. Only within the protected confines of my house do I feel comfortable enough to raise my voice. So, I need to exercise, at least on 3 different occasion when I take my dog for a walk, my voice, instead of a whistle or slap on my pants when calling her over. This is a GRUELING exercise. The level of inhibition I always feel has become systemically hardwired into my brain and body. I feel like I need to engineer it each and every time I do it. It doesn't come without me putting up a fight for it. Still, these little exercises will eventually add up. My tolerance will increase to the point where calling my dog or will feel hackneyed, instead of something I need to be anxious about.

* Holding the door open for people; smiling at people; and RESPONDING to people when they ask me something. This is the big kahuna of mental blocks. But eventually I will build the skills and confidence to do this as well. 


On a philosophical note, I'm fascinated by the two paradoxical sides of normal awareness. When emotions "pass through us", we take it for granted what is actually happening. Perhaps only someone who has become so inhibited, so hypo-emotional, can recognize the contours and aspects of this behavior. 

On one side is Frankl's platitude that when we speak, were generally oriented towards some "object" of our thought. Whether that be something we want to say, or some person we want to talk to - were oriented towards our environments - and not ourselves. The paradoxical effect of this outward orientation is it's putting us into direct contact with our emotions - with our bodies. We are "in our bodies" as psychologists put it. This is a tantalizing truth that most people can hardly conceptualize, since they're so accustomed to this reality.